Thursday, June 12, 2008

Very detailed anxiety nightmares and other updates

So, this morning I had an anxiety nightmare of the very, very detailed variety. Evidently I'd thrown together a band and planned to play guitar, even though in this dream, as in real life, I can't really play songs so much as make a chord, make a face as my fingers start to bleed, make another chord...

I was worried about this, and the fact that I only had one original song (which impresses me now, I wish I could remember it!) and the fact that all lyrics to cover songs had fled my brain ... and Leonard Cohen was in the unexpectedly large crowd of people coming to hear me sing and play.

This past year I've gotten really good at resolving my anxiety nightmares--my recurring back-in-high school nightmare lost much of its ability to induce trauma when my dream self was able to realize and assert that I didn't really need to pass this high school math class--I'd already done it, I'd graduated from college, I was in grad school ... the surprise exam and lost text book and the forgotten locker combination were irrelevant. I've gotten to the point where I enjoy working through this category of dream while I'm in it, and this musical performance dream was no exception. In this dream, Sean was there helping me come up with ideas for how to be most impressive with the least amount of skill and how to perform best at my most forgetful and nervous. He looked at my set list, "Of course you don't remember the lyrics to these," he said, "How about 'Come Thou Fount of of Every Blessing'?" Perfect. I could sing it in my sleep. =)

Anyway, I must be stressed about something. Probably item number 1 on that To-Do list: sell all earthly belongings. June is flying, y'all, and we have a lot of stuff. I made a spreadsheet last night and today I'm taking pictures for Craigslist. It'll happen--it has to happen. It makes me nervous about leaving for the Bread for the World Training this weekend. I am glad that, as in my dream, I'm not doing this alone.

In other news, I've gotten to talk to my folks every afternoon of their trip so far, which is a happy thing indeed. Yesterday was their first day in Israel, where they are staying on a hotel on a kibbutz on the Sea of Galilee. They day before that they had an 11 mile hike down a canyon to Petra, which Indiana Jones fans particularly may recognize. The weather has been good, Mom's been taking great pictures but hasn't had a chance to post them, everyone is doing well and soaking it in.

Soaking it in is precisely what we did at the Jersey Shore this past weekend, and we have pictures to prove it. Sea creatures, boardwalk food and grilled hot dogs were consumed. Mom Albright took us out to a lovely dinner to celebrate my graduation (Dad Albright had to stay home to meet up with the air conditioning repair guy--all went well.) The boardwalk was walked, plants were planted and the beach ... was sunned, read and strolled upon. Good stuff.

A self-portrait on the ferris wheel at the Wonderland Pier, on the Ocean City boardwalk.

On Tuesday night we had Jill, Brian, Bella, Gus and Eli over for dinner: Sean made fried chicken and summer veggie saute while I made some cornbread with fresh corn kernels and a little bit of pickled jalapeno and strawberry shortcake with fresh whipped cream for dessert. Bella helped whip the cream and took the lead on designing and building the shortcakes. It was wonderful to have them over to our house and pretty funny to watch Eli explore this new place with such great interest. (The kitchen! I want to go to the kitchen! While Uncle Sean is frying things!)

Here is Eli on-the-move! The child is fast. Fozzy was like, "Hey, wait up!"

OK, back to it. As much as I enjoy conquering anxiety in my dreams, I'd rather diminish my anxiety while awake so that my sleep is more restful.

Failing that, I could nap. =)

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